Friday, May 15, 2009

Fire blowing

Well today my best friend finally let the cat out of the bag that she's sleeping with my ex. Yes the one who managed to screw me out of everything I had worked so hard for. Yes, The same one who smashed my face in when I decided to leave him. I know I should be upset about this whole thing but for some reason all I can do is smile. Not because I wish bad on them and not because I had some sadistic fantasy about her going through what I did as punishment for betraying me. I am just impressed with the way I handled the situation. You see it all managed to come out in a fight that we were busy having... She starts telling me how happy he makes her and how noone has made her happier... Obviously waiting for some wave of lava fury to hit her as she is sure that the words she has just uttered have sliced into me like a hot blade through butter. I am not sure why exactly I did what I did next or how I found the strength to not care so much about others anymore. Perhaps its an attribute I gained over a long period of being an emotional wreck or from being able to stand on my own two feet and finally starting to live a story that I am proud of. I do not know but I somehow just laughed... The best friend obviously shocked at my casual attitude and needing to see that hurt the same hurt I had perhaps inflicted on her during our conflict, she as always tried to look perfectly poised. "So I hope you can be happy for us, and we can fix our friendship.", she uttered as if this was going to throw me off balance. My reply was as casual as the first had been saying that if he made her happy so be it as he sure as hell did not make me happy and that what she did in her love life was none of my concern. Of course I had to throw in that if I cared about him I would still be with him, perhap just to remind my opponent that my words could still be cold if I needed them. In all of my time being friends with Tazz she has never been completely speechless or backed down before but hey what do you know.

I still somehow don't know if our friendship would survive the awakwardness that this will bring but for once I am completely content in myself and I feel as if I am capable of standing on my own no matter what happens. It is the best I have felt in a long time.  

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